Back in the “old days” when we speakers and facilitators used to gather in person, I remember delivering a session for a group of fifty oil and gas leaders. Afterwards, I was greeted by one of the white male participants who made a point to stop and speak with me before leaving.
“You have great energy. But you don’t look like a Theresa.”
Aww damn, I thought to myself, the name game.
Okay. I’ll play along. This oughta be good. I decided to take the bait.
I countered with, “Then what do I look like?” My question was veiled because what I wanted to get at was his mismatch of my identity with his preconceived notions about names and naming.
He took the bait. “Your name should be Tina, like Tina Turner. I love Tina Turner. Great singer. Great dancer. And you’re probably good at both. Theresa is a plain, white girl name.”
Gulp. There it is. Black girls have rhythm. I decided to contradict this racial stereotype dumbfuckery.
“Actually, I can neither sing nor dance well. And your name?” I asked, extending my right hand for a handshake.
If karma has a gender, I’m hoping it’s female.
Oh, please, please let his name be Dick. Sure, the irony would be wasted on him, but not on me.
“Paul,” he replied, grabbing my hand
Shaking his hand, I responded, “I hope you found value in the session, Paul.”
Paul, I’m sure, would likely never have questioned the name of a male speaker or even a white female speaker. However, he didn’t think there was a problem in questioning mine. Why? Because that’s what entitled whiteness does. Our name, our voice, our identity can be co-opted at any time.
*More like this regarding gender in Overcoming Gender Inequity: Real, Raw, Unapologetic Stories, Tips & Strategies and in The WarriHER’s Playbook on Well-Being and Self-Advocacy.
*More like this regarding race and gender in Blaxhaustion, Karens & Other Threats to Black Lives and Well-Being
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