No. 1 of a 5-Part Series
❓Do you recognize any of these performative ally types?
🎯The *drive-by allies* that pick and choose when and where they’ll take a stand.
🎯The *keyboard allies* that “view” or “like” in secret on #socialmedia while on a break from #work.
🎯The *referee allies* that *get to* decide whether THEY think something is inappropriate or not before they’ll say or do anything.
🎯The *comfort allies* that select the least uncomfortable and least inconvenient situations in which to speak up.
🎯The *showtime allies* that desire the spotlight attention and social clout that come with a performance.
Let’s establish a few points.
Real allyship is NOT provisional. If it comes with *terms and conditions,* including exemption from confronting bigotry in your own family, it’s not allyship. Period.
❗️ALL of the following contribute to what and who’s real—
Real allies know to listen, listen, listen.
Real allies embrace the ongoing self-work.
Real allies accept they’re in a constant state of becoming.
Real allies prioritize impact over intent.
Real allies de-center themselves.
Real allies know the fight is bigger than their feelings.
Real allies welcome correction and learn from it.
If you fail to meet even one of the above BASICS, don’t expect to be considered an ally. You’re not there yet.
📢 To all aspiring allies, allies-in-training, and seasoned allies, I’m issuing this CHALLENGE—
Meet me here all this week for learning and unlearning and a chance to gain FREE access to my course, 👉🏽”UNLOCK 7 KEY DEI TERMS IN 30 MINUTES™️.”
Friday, November 19, I’ll post an💥ALLY CHALLENGE💥 based on the 5 posts in this week’s series. I’ll then randomly select someone who answers all challenge questions correctly and announce it Monday, November 22.
👉🏽YOU IN?
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No. 2 of a 5-Part Series
A company potluck luncheon, a Bl@ck woman, and fried chicken….
What could possibly go wrong?
A potluck luncheon is being held for the ERG council and invited guests, organized by Lisa, of the Bl@ck employees ERG. Each person was to bring a dish for everyone to enjoy.
When Betty (who’s yt) arrives late, she makes this announcement and presents her dish to Lisa, “You and our Bl@ck guests will love my healthier take on unfried fried chicken.”
When Lisa and several attendees inform Betty they are offended, she gets upset and grows defensive. Frustrated that no one understands she’s done a *nice* thing and are blowing it out of proportion, Betty leaves the luncheon.
👉🏽Whew….Betty made several mis-steps. Let’s now give her the focus she sought. 😏
In no particular order some observations—
🎯 Instead of seeking to understand the harm caused, Betty refused to listen and opted to get defensive—which culminated in her checking out and walking out.
🎯 In Betty’s mind, no one paid attention to HER, no one thanked HER, no one praised HER for doing a *nice* thing. See where I’m going with this? From the moment she broadcast that “the fried chicken is here!” she positioned herself as center and dug her heels in.
🎯 Betty prioritized her intent—doing a *nice* thing for Lisa and Bl@ck attendees—while dismissing impact—offending attendees with a stereotype rooted in a historical r@cist characterization.
🎯 Betty’s explicit tying of fried chicken to Bl@ck #people is even more problematic in that what she believes to be Bl@ck food #culture, she’s misappropriated into something “healthier” (read “better”)—i.e., “Hey look, Bl@ck people, I turned your fried chicken into something better. You’re welcome.” This *dual nature* of her *nice* thing makes it doubly offensive.
🎯 Betty made everything about her. That no one acknowledged her *nice* thing meant that something was wrong with THEM. That THEY were *blowing things out of proportion* made Betty the victim. The *visual narrative* of her upset and leaving underscores the shift from THE OFFENDED to THE OFFENDER.
❗️And there you have it! These dynamics play out often in the #workplace, resulting in Bl@ck people being reprimanded, disciplined, or even terminated for upsetting the Bettys.
Here’s something to add to your ally toolbox: “3 COMMON DEI MIS-STEPS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM.” https://lnkd.in/dVFXS59X
For reflection—
💡 If you question the manner in which Betty was informed that her *nice* thing was offensive, you are part of the problem.
💡If you assume that it was only Bl@ck attendees that expressed to Betty that they were offended, you are part of the problem.
💡If you felt empathy for Betty but none for Lisa and those offended, you are part of the problem.
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No. 3 of a 5-Part Series
🎯 The SILENCE of *good* yt people remains one of the BIGGEST and LOUDEST threats to Bl@ck lives and #wellbeing.
Just because you didn’t yourself hurl a *microaggression* at someone……
Just because you didn’t yourself discriminate against someone…..
Just because you didn’t yourself press your knee on a neck…..
🎯 NONE OF THIS ABSOLVES YOU.
The SILENCE with which you observe, see, hear, and know what’s going on around you makes you an accomplice.
After the major May 25 *shock* witnessed via video by the entire world, many are going SILENT again. Have you noticed? The Bl@ck community has. It didn’t take long, did it?
George Floyd’s murder is no longer *trending.*
*Bl@ck lives matter* is no longer *trending.*
The #workplace is back to pretending and performing while preening over and publishing their *diversity gains* of yt #women, non-Bl@ck POC, and their Bl@ck CDO *beards.*
Meanwhile, Bl@ck employees continue to face marginalization, discrimination, under-representation, microaggressions, etc. in workplaces that are verbally *committed* to DEI.
Where are all the *good* people? Where are all the up-standers? Are they speaking up?
SILENCE never went out of style. It’s a timeless classic. It works like bell-bottoms and platform shoes—never really going away and always finding a way to come back in full force and be *popular* again.
We need for allies to be 💥THE ANTI-SILENCE💥 at all times— and not just the times when it’s *convenient,* *comfortable,* or *safe.*
🎯 It’s a BIG role which is why the first part of ALLY is ALL.
Giving your ALL means NOT being SILENT.
🎯 Nobody promised it would be easy, but neither is the experience of r@cism.
👉🏽 Watch the video for 3 reasons given for the SILENCE of *good* people.
Post-Video Reflections—
💡Which one of the three reasons for silence is primarily what has kept you from speaking up?
💡 What’s the best thing that can happen when you commit to conquering YOUR reason(s) for staying silent?
💡What single action can you take today to work on more of the “D” and “E” behaviors? (you have to watch the video to understand this one)
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No. 4 of a 5-Part Series
She wrote the book on allies.
❗️LITERALLY. She wrote the book. A new #book.
Meet the ah-maz-ing Felicia Fulks aka Lecia Michelle, #author of “The Wh(i)te Allies Handbook.” (She’s also in the ally lesson of my on-demand #course.)
I caught up with Lecia recently to ask her a few questions—
1️⃣ What prompted you to write the handbook?
I considered writing this book several years ago. After the last 4 years of what’s been happening in this country, I decided now was the right time. I started a FB Group called “Real Talk: WOC and Allies for R@cial Justice and Anti-Oppression” right after the 2016 election to provide a safe space for WOC to have conversations and support each other while also #training yt #women to become allies. My group has formally and informally trained thousands of yt women using articles and videos. I wanted to write a handbook that yt people could use to #work on their allyship with each other so they could support the r@cial #justice fight for Bl@ck women.
2️⃣ What’s the biggest mistake aspiring allies make?
The biggest I’ve encountered is yt people getting defensive after they’re called out, then putting conditions on their allyship. “If you were nicer, I’d be an ally.” Allyship isn’t about feeling good. Much of the time it requires allies to get uncomfortable with acknowledging their own r@cism and confronting it in other yt people. If they refuse to embrace discomfort, they have no chance of becoming an effective ally. They’ll never be someone we can count on to join our r@cial justice fight.
3️⃣ What will aspiring allies, new allies, and even seasoned allies gain from the handbook?
My book is unique because it challenges yt people to take action as they’re learning. Most allyship books on the market discuss the theory behind r@cism, which yt people do need to understand. However, if that information isn’t paired with clear directions to take them out of the theoretical aspect of r@cism, they won’t take it upon themselves to move from ingesting information to taking action using that information. Each chapter has questions to help them reflect on what they’ve learned and actions they need to take to continue on their ally journey.
You can show her your #support AND invest in your ally journey by pre-ordering the handbook from Amazon.
👉🏽 https://lnkd.in/eQ3k34zx
Thoughts for reflection—
💡 If you’re not yourself uncomfortable and not making other yt people uncomfortable, you’re not the ally you think you are.
💡If you’ve not confronted the r@cism of Grandpa Jim or Aunt Sally, you’re not the ally you think you are.
💡If you *know your schitt* when it comes to r@ce and r@cism but haven’t actually done anything, you’re not the ally you think you are.
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No. 5 of a 5-Part Series
You didn’t see that skeleton image coming, did you? 😏
Real life *shockers*—the brutal kind—capture our attention because everyone bears witness to them.
If we hit the *REWIND* button, consider that a universal *shocker* was NOT the murder of George Floyd—who was *just another unarmed Bl@ck person* k(i)lled by #law enforcement.
No.
The *shocker* was his murder being caught on video…..for the whole world to see.
Folks were horrified…..yet transfixed.
That whole “nothing to see here, folks” minimization wasn’t going to work this time.
So plan B.
In the wake of global attention, the U.S. decided to play it a different way— with public proclamations of *Bl@ck Lives Matter* which rippled like a giant wave across workplaces everywhere.
Desiring to be on trend and not jeopardize profits, companies scrambled to provide *check the box* #training options so employees could learn how to *care about* and *be decent* to Bl@ck people.
Hit the *FAST FORWARD* button.
It’s 18 months later. Where are all the promises and pledges to Bl@ck #people?
❓Where are *all* the allies?
The *allies* that hash-tagged their way into the spotlight have long since packed up their #BLM tee shirts and #socialmedia banners and returned to *business as usual*…..until the next *shocker.*
Meanwhile, Bl@ck people are like……
❗️”WHAT THE FAUX?!”
You see, we got the *RESUME* button.
The *RESUME* button is unsafe and deadly for us.
What’s needed is a *STOP* button followed by a *START ANEW* button.
What’s needed are real allies that
🎯 get off their ASpirations
🎯 give it their ALL
and
🎯 ACTivate other real allies
THANK YOU FOR JOURNEYING WITH ME THIS WEEK.
End of Series Reflections—
💡What one thing have you learned or relearned about being a real ally?
💡 What area of real allyship do you most want to grow and develop?
💡What about your “ally talk and walk” serves as encouragement for aspiring allies?
Click the link to take the💥ALLY CHALLENGE💥. https://lnkd.in/eCde6FJN
Is your company ready to #DoTheWork of anti-racism and inclusion?
Check out my “DOING THE HEART WORK OF ANTI-RACISM AND INCLUSION™️” course. Here’s the access to a free demo. https://deibytmr.thinkific.com/
#anti-racism #diversity #inclusion
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