For the record, I hate the term microaggression and would prefer something more accurate such as the “ignorant stuff people say and do.” And for racial microaggressions, I lean toward “regularly occurring racist dumbfuckery.” However, for the sake of efficiency, I’ll go with microaggression for now.
Recently, a brutha shared this experience with me:
While serving at my church’s information desk greeting visitors, I had a troubling encounter with a church member—an older white woman. She said to me, “Brown people have the best-looking facial hair.”
I paused for a moment because I was uncertain about what to say, so I responded, “I’m sorry?” She noted the puzzled look on my face and took that as a sign to “reiterate” her point by reaching out and running her hand through my beard while repeating her comment.
Thankfully, another church member—a white woman—witnessed it and grabbed back her hand, pulled the older white woman away from me and told her, “Sweetie, you can’t do that.” The older white woman then responded, “What…this is a safe space.”
I stood there open-mouthed and shocked as the older white woman was ushered away. [It’s church y’all; the bigots have to be “ushered” away. If you’re a church-folk, you know.]
When I told my wife what happened, she laughed and said that this is what Black women go through every day with their hair and white people’s proximity to it. So we joked a bit and moved on. But I did not move on. I could not shake the feeling that if I did something like that towards the older white woman, the outcome would have been drastically different.
Whew chile……… could these kinds of “touch any part of my person” microaggressions be considered a form of assault? Hmm.
Though it varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, the legal definition for assault is
“a threat or attempt to inflict offensive physical contact or bodily harm on a person that puts the person in immediate danger of or in apprehension” of such harm or contact
But I digress……
So… let’s first talk a bit about microaggressions in general to establish some “common” ground.
Generally speaking, microaggressions stem from biases, unconscious and conscious, that we hold of people or groups that are different from us. It’s the comments, the questions, and even the behaviors that stem from what we believe or assume about someone due to their age, their gender, their race, their religion, their body type, their family situation, and more.
Question for you.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of one?
Do you remember how it made you feel?
Let me guess. Not good.
Moving on now to racial microaggressions
Racial microaggressions are the EVERYDAY racism that Black and Brown people face in the form of “compliments,” jokes, insults, actions…….can’t stress enough that everyday part. It’s ev-er-y-day. Daily. Now. It’s happening this minute for someone as I type this.
The stress of racial microaggressions includes being on the receiving end of “what’s the big deal?” reactions from those who don’t regard any microaggression as serious.
I’ve never heard a single Black or Brown person characterize racial microaggressions as “not a big deal” or otherwise inconsequential. Not a single one.
And it’s due to being on the receiving end of not just one but many—and constantly.
It’s the “many” nature of racial microaggressions that makes them so detrimental.
The cumulative cost of racial microaggressions in the workplace is a huge enough deal to single-handedly take down and nullify a company’s grandest words on its professed anti-racism or DEI commitment.
In other words, the lived experiences of its Black and Brown employees will negate an organization’s words every time. Every single time.
Are you a “giver” of racial microaggressions?
In my anti-racism workshops, this question usually makes folks squeamish and uncomfortable. They avoid eye-contact.
Many are embarrassed that they have to think about it because they honestly don’t know. Did you catch that?
They. Don’t. Know.
Let me clue in all the “givers” out there. You might want to set down your latte for a minute.
Here it is:
The person on the giving end of a racial microaggression is the last one to know that they are a “giver.”
In other words, your racial bias might be unconscious to you, but it’s conscious to every Black and Brown person on the receiving end of it. You are a “clear and present” danger to those around you.
So how will you know if you’re a “giver” of racial microaggressions?
If your answer is “yes” to the following two questions then you are most likely a “giver” of racial microaggressions:
- Do you think it’s a compliment to tell a Black or Brown person that they’re “very articulate”?
- Do you feel the need to reveal to Black or Brown folks that your spouse/partner, your child, or your best friend from childhood is Black or Brown, but you don’t have that same need to reveal it to white folks?
If you’re saying to yourself…“oh, I’ve never said that,” or “I’ve never done that,” so I’m safe.
Well, that’s not necessarily the case.
“So now what?” you may be asking.
Indeed, now what?
That IS the question you should be asking yourself.
And it’s not a question that Black and Brown folks should be expected to answer for you.
Please note that there is no comprehensive “cheat-sheet” list of racial microaggressions. There are countless types, countless instances of racial microaggressions.
Sure, you might be able to Google some of the most common ones out there. But that wouldn’t cover all the possibilities.
What you need to do:
Take responsibility for educating yourself in order to grow your awareness and increase your racial and cultural IQ.
Why you need to do it:
So you can stop harming Black and Brown people and be a decent human being.
What you need to know:
- For the person on the receiving end of a microaggression, it’s never just the one—neither the microaggression nor the giver. Microaggressions and givers of them rarely occur in isolation. No. They travel in packs. They all feed off of each other.
- Racial microaggressions are still an issue with a remote workforce.
- Racial microaggressions—”death by a thousand cuts”—coupled with oppressive, discriminatory, exclusionary practices and policies create an incredible toll on the emotional and psychological bandwidth of Black and Brown persons. I coined the term Blaxhaustion to characterize it.
Why you need to know:
Black and Brown folks are fed up! And you cannot predict when those “Mike Tyson on a plane” moments will crop up with Black and Brown folks who have legal representation from “Fucharownd & Feindout, Attorneys at Law.” IYKYK
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Is your organization ready to #DoTheWork of anti-racism and inclusion?
Watch a demo of “DOING THE HEART WORK OF ANTI-RACISM AND INCLUSION™️”. https://deibytmr.thinkific.com/
It includes the “Exploding the Myth of Diversity” Lesson. Peace and blessings to you. 🙏🏽 \o/ tmr
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