“I don’t see you as black.” These are the words recently spoken to me by a friend of mine who is white. It’s not the first time I’ve heard these words in my lifetime. In fact, I’ve heard these words many times. Today, however, I feel compelled to write about it.
There are two extreme worlds in existence for me that I navigate daily – one created by ignorance and the other by hatred, a world where I’m not seen as black and a world where I’m constantly reminded that I am – and not in a good way.
In contrast to my friend who genuinely believes it is complimentary to erase my blackness, there is the woman who recently at a Houston mall believes it will elevate her whiteness by screaming “niggers!” to me and my daughter. Being on the receiving end of the n-word is not my first rodeo. My white friend would be shocked by this, and I can almost hear her exclaim, “I can’t believe you’ve ever been called that!” Newsflash. Just about every black person you “know,” can regale you with tales of multiple experiences with the n-word as well as countless other assaults.
I haven’t yet made up my mind which is worse to me – being seen as not black or being called nigger. It’s a strange limbo in which I live – marginalized other, and I have grown relatively comfortably uncomfortable. As a facilitator/trainer, I’m conditioned by my craft to never make it “about me” and so over the years I have relegated certain aspects of “being and not being black” to my inner recesses where they lie voicelessly active.
I still encounter that participant who after attending one of my sessions is eager to congratulate me in surprised disbelief on my ability “to remain so articulate the entire time.” I struggle with how to respond to these “compliments.”
And as I sit here and write, I find myself thinking about those I predict may read this and feel uncomfortable. Symbolically, you perhaps will avoid making eye contact with these words and shift nervously to the next thing. And for those of you that know me, will you ever acknowledge or mention this post to me or ask me about my experiences? Or will you carry on with me like it’s business as usual? These words represent but a slice of my experiences. There is a lot more. When you can fight through your discomfort, ask me about this stuff. I will tell you what I still struggle with, and you can tell me what you struggle with. I will listen. Will you?
#diversity&inclusion
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